Why I'm a bad blogger

I have figured out why I am so bad at blogging/journaling/etc... pretty much anything that takes a daily reflection... Usually I do my thinking as I lay down for much needed rest or while I'm driving. Neither situation lends itself well to blogging! When I am in bed my thoughts seem so eloquent and well organized, but there is nothing anyone could do short of a fire or Katie emergency that would pry me from the warmth of my covers... I can jot down ideas in the car while at a stoplight, but I really think I do my best thinking far from any record keeping materials! (delusional? maybe...)

But I was thinking about small blessings the other day, and what a bizarre blessing Katie's absence seizures can be. Sometimes she is upset or insisting on something that she simply can't have and she has a seizure. This gives me time to adjust her view when she "comes back" to entice her to something different. Sneaky? Definitely. Evil? Only slightly. Sometimes I need a break from the tantrum too, and her seizures give me time to take a deep breath, hold her, and kiss her sweet face until she resumes the "conversation". Those conversations don't involve words but hair pulling, pinching, and biting if an ample body part is available.

These things don't happen too often or with too much fervor, but when they do, it reminds me of her disability and frustrates me that she cannot tell me what she wants. Sometimes I know what she wants but there seems to be little reasoning with her. Diversion works fairly well, but I worry that it only fixes the situation momentarily and does nothing to teach her how to be patient or any other skills she will need in life.

That being said, we are going to meet with a child psychologist who may give more insight into her behaviors (both self injurious and otherwise). A nurse suggested soft restraints to which I almost hung up the phone on her, but nonetheless I want to make progress in teaching Katie to understand this world and interact in a meaningful way.