Friday, February 5, 2010

An Open Letter to My Love

Dear Shayne,

I know this has been an interesting transition for you to say the least. I know I let you down sometimes, like today when I drank your Cherry Coke Zero... the very same one I bought for you at Walgreen's last night. I couldn't help myself. It has been a rough day, and I needed its fizzy comfort. I hope you did notice though that the house was picked up (not sparkling by any means), the dishes were done, Katie's massive toy collection picked up, and dinner was hot and ready when you got home. I also did some tidying in our room, and put the "new" nightstand I got from Goodwill a couple of days ago and have been hiding in my car by your side of the bed. It was a great bargain and it looks so nice there. I also hung up and rearranged some pictures in our room. I think it looks better than ever.

I am amazed that I got as much done as I did... I had Miss Crankypants to entertain all day as she hasn't been feeling well. My mouth feels like it's been through a meat tenderizer from being probed by frustrated little fingers who have no other means to communicate discomfort. I have had my hair pulled, been bitten, and just feel like a punching bag from the fun today. Little Miss did NOT take a nap today though it would have been much needed respite for the both of us. She is now in her bed, ready to crash but fighting it all the way... Running her Thomas the Train across the wall, no doubt irritating the hell out of the neighbors, and I don't have the energy to care. I have not showered in 2 days as I have been on high alert for vomiting since she threw up in her sleep on Thursday. You and I both know how little warning comes before one of those spells. I want to punch her GI doc in the face for being so apathetic about it.

My dearest Shayne... thank you for supporting us and supporting me, emotionally through all of this. I cannot expect you to be grateful to me for taking care of a child that doesn't belong to you. But she is my beloved and I appreciate your understanding and grace. Grace for the fact that this little person doesn't make life easy for us. The couch is now virtually uninhabitable for all but the sturdiest of constitutions thanks to her leaky pullups.... I really do plan on figuring out how to fix that problem in the near future. Thank you for loving me even when the woman you come home to is an attention-starved, overstimulated noodlehead who desperately needs some adult conversation, alone-time, and of course serious hygiene help.

I am grateful for you and to you for all that you do. You are a blessing and a wonderful man.
I love you.

1 comment:

  1. I've seen a picture of you that I'm sure many others have seen in the past. My vision, however, is not the only vision that matters, but in some ways it does. I'd like to think that my love for you is the thing you've been missing all this time.

    As we have meandered through a year of being together, haphazardly living our life with nearly no arguments, almost no friction, and an incredible amount of acceptance going both ways, it has been a tremendous year for me, and I image both of us.

    I say that because you have some habits, as we all do, and your habits are like my habits. The path of least resistance, I'll clean later attitude. While it surely isn't the best approach to life, You have not judged me, nor I you, and because of our commitment to building a life together, You are making some changes.

    Not only do I see you making changes and accomplishing things, I see that you seem more alert and happy and there doesn't seem to be any resentment. I can see you withering quickly if I just didn't care or show you my love, but I try every day to give you that, and I think it shows.

    The miracle, though, is not how my love nurtures you and helps you to be the best you you can be, but rather, how you being you makes my love flow naturally from within.

    In the past, my feelings have faded or resentments have wedged in, but with you, all that has happened is that I can easily envision forever with you as if I were breathing. I don't worry about being myself around you. I don't worry about anything when it comes to you. I want to give you everything and be the best me I can be for you and for me.

    You don't have to do any of the things you are doing to win my love. My love is all yours. Just you being you is so deeply satisfying to me, that I only want better things for us and our little family, not just for myself. You pulled me out of myself and allowed me to believe in love and because of you, I'll forever be a better person and forever stay true to myself

    I love you. Thank you, Kayleen, for all you do, especially for just being you.